God’s Will

November 30, holiday at supposedly nagpapahinga ako pero sugod ang beauty ko sa board meeting ng Lupong Pamunuan ng aming church. After so many years naging official member ulit ako ng Board at this time eh Pangulo ako ng Lupon sa Programa.

Habang papunta kami sa venue ng meeting, kinausap na ako ng ilang members  at sabi nila ino-nominate daw nila ako bilang chairman. naloka ang beauty ko. ako? chairman? kakatense naman ito. told them baka masyado pa akong "bata" para maging chairman. saka babae ako so dapat chairwoman. joke joke joke.

So, katulad ng inaasahan, i was nominated and when lots were drawn, pagbukas ko ng small piece of paper na nabunot ko, bumulaga sa akin ang nakasulat na "God's will". Nakakagulat, nakakatuwa at nakakatense. Ako, Board Chairman for 2008.

I'm sure maraming board members ang di pabor sa nangyari. feeling ko kasi ang tingin nila sa akin eh masyadong "bookish", "neophyte" at "opposition" pero well, wala akong magagawa, i believe na it was God who chose me.

i know may plan si Lord sa buhay ko kaya He gave me this big responsibility. i'm really scared kasi hindi ko maiwasan na hindi ma-feel yung inadequacy and somehow alam ko may mga expectations ang kapatiran sa akin. and of course, i know i have to give my best coz i'm  not just serving the church but my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. sabi nga ni Diko Nathan, one of my cousins na member din ng Board, may plano si Lord sa akin kaya ako naging Chairman and also panahon na rin na bumalik ako sa ministry.

i'm really praying for His wisdom and guidance. i pray na magawa ko ang the best ko para sa Kanya. sabi nga sa Philippians 4:13:  "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me".  

panibagong pagsubok

sabado, november 24, gumising ako na masakit ang tiyan. nung una akala ko na-e-ebs lang ako pero kakaiba talaga ang pain. tapos sabi ko dedma ko na lang at baka naman mawala din pero habang naliligo ako feel na feel ko na gumagrabe ang sakit as in. yung pain nya eh parang mahapdi na parang gutom. so after kong magbihis naisip ko na baka naman hyperacidity lang so nag-take ako ng zantac 75. ready na ko to leave the house for work ng biglang naging super grabe ang sakit kaya ang ending nagpadala na ako sa doctor. di na talaga kinaya ng powers ko as in.

muntik pa akong naimbyerna sa hospital kasi ba naman nung dumating kami sa entrance ng E.R. syempre di ako makalakad so nag-ask ako ng wheelchair. my God, mega-ask pa ang nurse kung para saan daw. hello? tapos nung nasa reception na ako ginawa akong guinea pig ng mga nursing students. as in twice kinuha ang temp ko at muntik nang thrice kuhanin ang bp ko buti na lang nag-protesta na ako. syempre nung tinawag na ang name ko, aba eh wala man lang nagtulak ng wheelchair ko papunta sa doctor's clinic so naglakad na lang ako. ang nakala-lyka pa dito, nagsabi pa ang nurse ng "ay kaya nyo na maglakad" na syempre mega-sagot ako ng "eh wala namang magtutulak ng chair papunta dyan eh so i have to walk kakaloka ang ospital nyo". o diva naman sa litanya ang beauty ko? ang ironic pa dito pagpasok ko sa doctor's clinic nakita ko pa ang tarpaulin announcing to the world na ang ospital daw na yun won an award as the best secondary hospital in region 3. omigosh! you gotta be kidding me.

so mega-interview ang chubby female doctor sa akin. mega-press pa sa mataba kong tummy. she gave me medicines for the pain and ang initial findings eh acute gastroenteritis. she also recommended na mag-undergo ako ng urinalysis at ultra sound para daw ma-check ang kidney at gall bladder ko. Pagkatapos ay  dumiretso na ako sa cashier for the payment of the doctor's pf na P150 lang naman at P1,000 para sa ultrasound.

next day

sunday, november 25. 8:30 am palang nasa hospital na ako for the ultra sound scheduled at 9am. aba ang receptionist di naalala na may urinalysis din ako and when we called her attention, dedma ang beauty nya. had my ultrasound mga 10am na yata and got the result almost 1pm. hay.

findings

Ultrasound of the Whole Abdomen

The liver is normal in size with smooth borders. There is diffuse increase in parenchymal echogenicity. No discrete solid or cystic mass noted. The intrahepatic ducts and veins are not dilated.

The gall bladder measures 2.4 cm in its widest transverse diameter. The lumen is echo free. The wall is not thickened.

The pancreas is normal in size and echogenicity. The pancreatic duct is not dilated.

The spleen is not enlarged. Negative for intrasplenic mass.

Both kidneys are normal in size with uniform cortical parenchymal echogenicity. The right kidney measures 10.3 x 4.4 cm with a cortical thickness of 1.4 cm while the left kidney measures 9.7 cm x 5.2 cm with a cortical thickness of 1.6 cm. There is a round anechoic structure in the parapelvic region of the right kidney measuring 3.4 x 2.2 cm. Negative for calculi or hydronephrosis, bilaterally.

The urinary bladder is distended with anechoic lumen. The wall is not thickened.

The uterus measures 6.1 x 2.6 x 3.5 cm. No focal mass noted. The endometrium is intact measuring 0.7 cm.

Negative for adnexal mass.

Impression:

1. Normal sized liver with fatty infiltration

2. Parapelvic cyst, right kidney

3. Normal ultrasound of the gallbladder, pancreas, spleen, left kidney, urinary bladder, uterus and adnexae.

syempre i tried to show a brave face when the findings were read and explained to me. i was advised to see a nephrologist as soon as possible para malaman ko kung ano ang susunod na gagawin.

i went home feeling so down and i cried my heart out kay Lord. hindi naman ako nag-ask ng "why me. why me" with matching moving of the hair. it was more of telling Him na i'm scared for my family and was sort of entrusting my fate in His hands. nag-pray din ako na tulungan Nya ako na makahanap ng maayos na kidney doctor.

hay. may panibagong pagsubok na naman sa buhay ko. buti na lang meron akong hindi nagbabagong Diyos kaya i'm sure i'll pass thru this.